My premature (I hope) bucket list

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     Time for something on the lighter side.
     I saw a complaint recently about the weird arrangement of some Eagle Pass stop signs. I so absolutely agree. What’s the thing with having three-way or four-way stops at virtually every intersection? Really, they’re mostly just stop signs used as speed control.
     The most idiotic example is the sign on Flowers Street just north of Liberty Elementary. They have a stop sign there for an intersection with an ALLEY! If I pass this sign late at night, I drive right past it without even slowing down, just out of principle because it doesn’t belong there.
     This sign might help with traffic during the rush before and after school. If that’s why they have it, then they should stick something temporary out there only on school days during those hours. Seriously, if I had an F350 monster sized truck, I would knock this sign down and dump it in the river.
     Thinking about it recently, I decided that this belongs on my “bucket list.” If I discover I only have a few months to live, I’m going to go out in the middle of the night and take out this stop sign. Another thing I’ll attempt to do undetected is return to a decent color scheme the house at the intersection of Bibb and Hillcrest.
     If you’ve been down Bibb lately, you know the house I’m talking about. It’s a classy two-story design with off-white brick exterior, and now half of it is painted mustard yellow. It’s so unnatural with the design and other materials on the house that it’s an affront to God himself. Somebody has to fix this soon or God will strike Eagle Pass with some awful natural disaster. That yellow paint looks worse than the purple columns they had in EPHS, a building that shouldn’t have purple anywhere near it.
     I have a few other items on my short little bucket list.

• I would let an undocumented immigrant have my identity so that even from beyond the grave I could continue to vote against J.M. Farias in whatever political race he decides to enter. Sparing the details, I’ll just say I think that Farias doesn’t have the intelligence or the people skills to hold a position requiring much responsibility. While he’s at it, my hired impersonator could also vote against any member of the Bush family that runs for office in the future.
• Just for kicks I would like to wade across the Rio Grande from our side to Mexico with a trash bag of spare clothes and see how the Mexican authorities react. Would they believe it if I said I was just looking for work? I don’t think they would do anything, but I’m curious to know. The bigger problem would be trying to return to my own country without a passport.
• I would go to the casino with a willingness to lose more than $20. I don’t find the casino entertaining, but that’s because I know I’m not going to win big because I don’t risk big. If I’m willing to lose several thousand dollars, maybe I’ll win a few hundred along the way. Then, like a lot of other people, I can brag that I won $800 without giving the rest of the story about losing three times that amount in the process.
• I would spend the night at the “haunted” house where 2nd Street meets Ceylon. I’ve never seen or heard or felt the presence of a ghost, and I’d like to know before I die if they really exist. This old, empty place would be the perfect place to find out. If a night went by in there without any paranormal events, I would have to say there’s no such thing as ghosts.

     Not all that crazy, but I don’t possess unlimited funds like those guys did in the movie. I need to lengthen my bucket list, but I’ll take my time in doing so since as far as I know I’m not anywhere near kicking the bucket. When my name IS called, Eagle Pass had better be on the watch, because there will be some surprises.