TAKS for Parents II

A while back, I posted TAKS for Parents. I figured other teachers would have some funny ideas using the same idea, so I started a discussion thread at proteacher.net and got numerous responses, many of them unbelievably posted as “sad but true.” It was a strong reminder that many teachers and schools across the nation face tougher challenges than we do here in Eagle Pass.
Proteacher.net is a worthwhile site for teachers to check out, with numerous forums, blogs and curriculum ideas. Another site I stumbled across is www.detentionslip.org, which is kind of a “news of the weird” concentrating on education topics. That site targets more of a general audience rather than specifically educators.
Now, parents, get your No. 2 pencils ready. Here’s TAKS for Parents II:
1. Your child punches another student and she denies that it happened, your best course of action is:
A. To listen to both sides patiently
B. To demand proof through a review of the security camera videotape
C. To try and quickly put an end to the discussion by insisting, "My daughter never lies."
-- Juan Valdez
2. If the school day ends at 3:30 and you get off work at 4:00 and it's a 10-minute drive from your office to the school, how long should your child be waiting before you pick him up.
A. 40 minutes
B. 2 hours
C. It depends on how long my co-workers want to stay at happy hour
-- Juan Valdez
3. If your child's teacher calls to make you aware that your child has been off task and disruptive throughout the day you should...
a. tell the teacher that during the hours of 8-3 said child is the teacher's responsibility
b. agree that this behavior is not acceptable and say that you will discuss appropriate school behavior with said child.
c. start complaining about said child's good for nothing father who if he took care of his responsibilities then said child would not be in trouble every day.
-- Nucleus
4. Your child receives a notice that he can particpate in the best field trip ever for the low, low cost of $2 cash, a sack lunch and a signed permission slip. You choose to:
A. Sign the permission slip and while you're at it, tell the teacher what you really think of her on the the back.
B. Skip the cigs one day to fork over the $2 and figure she'll know you are giving permission since you bothered to pay.
C. Give the kid the two bucks with a candy bar and two Dr. Peppers in a sack. Call permission in on your way to work.
D. Tell the kid to ask the cafeteria lady for a sack lunch and that teacher has "special" money for kids who can't pay. Drop the permission slip off at school on the way to your mani-pedi
-- Lottalove
5. "Home Economics."
You do not get paid for another week, and have $40 left in your checking account. You use this $40 to:
A) Get your acrylics filled. You have a date Saturday night, after all.
B) Pay $20 on your child's school lunch account, and save the remaining $20 as "just in case" money.
C) Lend it to your neighbor for him to get his car washed and waxed. He is so HOT!
-- Bookgeek59
6. Your economic stimulus check just came, and your child owes $120 in lunch charges.
A. You buy a Wii and tell your child not to tell his teacher. (He does).
B. You buy a new boat, and hope no one notices it sitting in your driveway. (They do.)
C. You call the school and ask them to stop sending those lunch charge notes home because you can't afford to pay for the lunches.
D. All of the above.
-- Linda2671
7. You send an O'Douls in your child's lunch bag for snack and lunch. When the teacher calls you should:
A. Say OMG I must of grabbed the O'Douls instead of the Snapple.
B. Say I have no idea how that got in my child's lunch bag
C. Say I thought you might call, I wasn't sure if I could send in a glass bottle.
-- Summertime (This is actually true. The parent responded with C)
8. The police call to tell you that they have been summoned to school due to your child's out of control behavior. You must come to school immediately. You respond:
a. I don't have a car to get there.
b. I am under the hair dryer right now.
c. Just take him to jail then.
d. Ask the person who took you to the beauty shop to take you to school NOW.
-- also true
9. The crisis unit calls to tell you that they have been contacted by the police to assess your child's danger to himself or others. They are recommeding that your child be hospitalized immediately.
a. Say you don't approve and hang up.
b. Say he's just playing and you need to control him.
c. Say if you'd beat his a$$ he wouldn't act this way.
d. Say take him then!
-- also true
10. Your school is using Picture Day to raise funds for classroom supplies. Your child brings home a large envelope with cute pictures in different poses. You can buy as few or as many pictures as you like. The remaining pictures must be returned to school. Your best course of action is to:
A. Keep all the pictures and throw away the payment envelope.
B. Claim you never received the pictures.
C. Ignore all notes and calls from the teacher and the school regarding the pictures.
D. Direct your child to tell the teacher daily that you will pay tomorrow afternoon.
E. All of the above
-- CVT (also true)
11. When filling out emergency cards for your child do you:
a) list all of the possible candidates under the father's information
b) write the school's address down under your personal information hoping that no one will notice it since you're not zoned to that school
c) list your cousin's best friend's sister's phone number without telling her that she is the only emergency contact for your asthmatic, highly allergenic child because you're between phones right now
d)write down the actual address to the state prison under the father's information because he may not get out before the end of the school year
-- nicksgirl
12. You roll out of bed at 10:30 and discover the television remote is missing. You:
a) Get up and change the channel.
b) Get up and look for the remote.
c) Decide there are plenty of things you should do instead of watching tv.
d) Call you daughter's school, tell them it's an emergency, have your child (who is already struggling academically) pulled out of class, and proceed to drill her about where she left the remote.
-- Sblack47
13. Your child is failing several subjects due to the fact that you kept him home from school for 2 or 3 days each week. He is finally making some progress in the 4th quarter. After the teacher tells you what a great job he is doing, you decide to dabble in a fraudulent lawsuit and fake that your child broke a limb on your neighbor's property. Do you:
a) Send him to school with the fake broken limb, and tell the teacher "He won't be doing much for the rest of the year"
b) Complain to the teacher and principal that your child cannot participate in PE because of the fake broken limb, and decide to show up during PE to make sure he is allowed to do everything.
c) tell all school personell that the fake fracture is so severe that is the child even moves the limb, emergency surgery will be required
d) Take off the fake brace just in time for field day; show up with 4 toddlers in tow and neglect to supervise any of them. Chain-smoke in the parking lot and let the teachers babysit the toddlers.
e) all of the above.
-- hovenweep
Outrageous, but submitted as true.