TAKS for Parents

Mathematical Applications
1. If beer costs $6.25 a six pack and cigarettes are $4.20 a pack, how much does it cost for you to buy 2 six packs and smokes for yourself and each of your two brothers?
A) $50.10
B) $12.60 -- with a five-finger discount on the beer.
C) $100 after I use my leftover money to buy lottery tickets.
Making Predictions
2. If your daughter has 6 tardies and 3 zeroes in English class, and the teacher says, “I’m going to call your parents,” your daughter’s most likely response would be . . . ?
A) “Please don’t call them, I’ll be grounded.”
B) “My parents don’t care. Here’s my number – 555-5763.”
C) “I live at my boyfriends house.”
Percentages
3. If you have 4 hours of free time each weeknight and you spend 30 minutes of it helping your child with homework, what percent of your free time are you spending helping your child?
A) 12.5%
B) 125%
C) “Are you talking about what’s his name?”
Multiple Meaning Words
4. The location where the two boards met formed a joint. In this sentence “joint” means?
A) A connection point for two objects.
B) A penitentiary.
C) A special type of cigarette smoked only for medicinal purposes.
Estimating
5. Your child is absent 9 days the first nine weeks, 12 days the second nine weeks, 10 days the third nine weeks and 11 days the fourth nine weeks. Estimate the total number of days he or she is absent for the year.
A) 40
B) Still less than the number of days of work that I miss.
C) “Why does it matter?”
Using Context Clues
6. To improve your child’s chances of success, the school principal requests frequent parental involvement. In this sentence, the phrase "parental involvement" means?
A) Attending school functions.
B) Knowing the name of the school that your child attends.
C) Showing up at the school to complain each time your child is punished for misbehavior.
Distinguishing Fact From Opinion
7. Which of the following is a fact?
A) Teachers are overpaid for an easy job with long vacations.
B) The best attitude for a child to have is, “Don’t take crap from anybody.”
C) Video games and books are equally good pastimes for children.
D) All of the above
Making Inferences
8. Mrs. Botello’s 2nd grade daughter Maya has a cough, a runny nose, and a 101 degree fever. Despite Maya’s protests that she feels bad, Mrs. Botello still sends her to school because she has to go to work. You can infer that?
A) Maya is 7 years old.
B) Maya’s teacher is mean.
C) Mrs. Botello makes rational decisions.
Fractions
9. You pay $300 per month in child support. If 2/5 goes to one child with your first wife, how much are you paying for your younger child with your second wife?
A) $180
B) $450,000 pesos
C) Nothing until they come pry it out of my cold, dead hands.
Main Idea
10. Dariela’s parents read many books to her when she was little. In kindergarten she could read second grade books and Clifford the Big Red Dog was her favorite. In 3rd grade, Dariela missed only one question on the TAKS reading test. Once, Dariela was carrying several books to her bedroom and she tripped on a step. The main idea of this paragraph is?
A) Toddlers benefit from being read to.
B) The 3rd grade TAKS is easy.
C) Books are dangerous.

Evaluation
For each answer A, score 0. For each answer B, score 1. For each answer C or D, score 2. If your total score is more than 10, you are required to attend parenting tutorials each Saturday during the summer. In addition, you must re-apply for your position as a parent and you must re-take this exam until you pass.

Author’s Note:
This test, in order to equal the unbearable tedium given to students, needs at least 40 more questions. If you have an additional question or questions you would like to submit, please leave them as a comment or send an email to anon@stx.rr.com

Coming soon: The dire need to improve C.C. Winn Sports
A sincere thank you to this year’s dropouts